A Date With Dog Poop Guy

I think I’m going to start basing my reputation on my dating site profile. It looks pretty good; I'm cute, independent (i.e., I have a job, and I know how to change a tire) NOT needy, well traveled, funny, and smart. You'd think I'd be getting lots of hits.. BUT, I'm not.. and the ones I am getting, I'm so desperate for a date, I'm willing to give them a chance. That's how I ended up having a date with "Dog Poop Guy".

He initially emailed me through one of the dating sites. His photo wasn’t that cute, but his description seemed nice. He was wearing a button down shirt in the photo, which can be a good thing, or a bad thing, depending on the pants he was wearing….which were out of view of the photo….Maybe he didn't have any pants on at all, and if I had seen that, perhaps it would have alerted me to potential problems.

We spoke on the phone once, mostly about our dogs, which can be a good thing, or, a bad thing, depending on how much you think like a dog. Since he kept talking to his dogs during our conversation, I assume he had mastered their thought processes and was able to determine exactly what they were saying to him. I may not think like a dog, but I love my dog, although, as it turned out, I don't love my dog quite as much Dog Poop Guy loves his dogs.

We agreed to meet the next morning at a local "off leash" dog park that has a 1/2 mile hike we could take the dogs on. My dog is actually too small to play at dog parks, but I was interested in meeting his dogs, because you can tell a lot about a man by his dogs. He had a small black mutt, and a beagle. Beagles are notorious for over eating and barking like baying chickens for hours on end. Dog Poop Guy had already told me that although he was a waiter by day, he was a rocker by night. He even gave me the link to his myspace site so I could check out his music... If I had really paid attention, I would have realized right away that although WE had nothing in common, he had a lot in common with his beagle.

Everyone looks different in person than they do in photos. I'm not particularly photogenic, and I've been told that the 3 photos I have on my profile look like 3 different girls. Usually, I let my potential dates tell me which photo they liked best and then I proceed to tell them that that's the one I resemble most. Dog Poop Guy did look some what like his photo, and I was happy to say, he did wear pants, albeit, dirty pants... and a dirty jacket, and what appeared to be dirty socks (I think they were supposed to be white) in fact, it looked like he hadn't showered yet that day, but, hey, he was probably up til 3 in the morning rockin' out and woke up too late to take a shower… despite the fact that he was meeting me… and should have wanted to impress me… I’m easily impressed… sometimes all it takes is A SHOWER!

Anyway, so, we started walking up the hill on our little hike, the dogs running around us, barking and chasing each other while Dog Poop Guy and I chatted. They were getting a lot of exercise. They were getting so much exercise, that one of them stopped dead in the middle of the road and squatted in pooping position to relieve himself.

Now, the hike that we were on is a popular LA hike for dog walkers. (hiking IN Los Angeles means there’s a little bit of land surrounded by scrub brush where you never lose sight of the city) . It’s so popular, that there are several places along the trail that supply plastic doodie bags to clean up after your dog, as well as trashcans to dispose of whatever you just cleaned up from your dog. So you can imagine my surprise when Dog Poop Guy took a plastic bag out of his backpack, THAT ALREADY HAD SOME DOG POOP IN IT!! No wonder he smelled like he hadn’t taken a shower! He cleaned up after the dog, and despite the fact that there would be a trashcan somewhere in the next 2 minutes of our walk, HE PUT THE BAG BACK IN HIS BACK PACK!

I think it was at the moment that he put a bag of dog poop in his back pack that I decided perhaps he wasn’t the right guy for me. We talked and walked for about another 15 minutes before the second dog squatted and relieved itself. I thought for sure this time he’d throw the bag out, since it was now full of 3 or more poops (who knows how long he’d been saving that bag!)… but, NO! Again, HE PUT THE BAG BACK IN HIS BACK PACK!

By the time we finished our walk, I was pretty desperate to “relieve” myself of his company. We parted ways back at the trail head, where he appeared to be removing the bag of dog poop to throw in the trash can, but I didn’t look back to see, I didn’t want to know!

Sigh, so there it is, another adventure from Lagirlinthecity, a story of No Sex in the City. Wish me luck on the next date, and I’ll report back, right here on blogspot, so check in again soon.

PS… in my rush to get to my car, I accidentally stepped in some dog doodie….